Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
