that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
