420 ftw
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
