he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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