so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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