dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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