He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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