and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
