This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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