Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
