Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
