I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
