he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He? As in you personified your dick?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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