I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
