I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
