mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
