you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
