Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
