I heard we made out
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
