garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
sex in a hospital.. check
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
