I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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