There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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