So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
