Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
