Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
