All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
