i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sober January is a disaster.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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