You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
