Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
