I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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