"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
