I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
