two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
