She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
