You're so nebulous sometimes
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
