thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
