did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
