I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
