Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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