That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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