she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
