If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
