i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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