What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
