my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
