1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think your dad took our porno
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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