NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
