you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
