he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
