sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
