I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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