pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
