he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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